Saturday, September 16, 2006

A Lawyer's Advice: How to deal with Cops - by Dumb Little Man

A Lawyer's Advice: How to deal with Cops

As all of the daily readers know, the entire Dumb Little Man crew was
in court yesterday. The most eventful thing that happened was actually
on the way out of the building. I found a lawyer's business card
sitting on the ground. I still have no idea why, but I picked it up.
It was one of those flip open cards, so it had twice as much space for
the lawyer to spew information.

On the back of the card was something interesting - an actual script
that you can use if you ever get in trouble.

I fired up the scanner and it's not talking to my PC for some reason
and I am not in the mood to fix it right now. For some reason, I'd
rather type it. So here it is with all the bold and punctuation in
tact (use your imagination to picture this on the back of flip open
business card with a crease horizontally across the middle).

When you are done reading this, be sure to read the Flipside: A Cop's


Officer, please understand -

I refuse to talk to you, other than to identify myself, until I
consult with my attorney.

If you are investigating a DUI, I wish to remain silent and refuse
to answer any of your questions. I refuse to tell you whether or
not I have been drinking. I refuse to tell you how much I may or
may not have been drinking and I refuse to tell you where I have
been. I refuse to do any and all field sobriety tests and I refuse
to do any breath, blood, or urine testing. I refuse to exit my
vehicle unless I am under arrest and you tell me why I am under

I refuse to consent to any search of these premises or any other
premises under my control, or in which I may have a possessory, or
privacy interest, including my car, my body, or effects. I further
refuse to consent to the taking of any portion of my property, or
any specimen of my breath, bodily fluids, or tissue, for
scientific analysis, without the reasonable opportunity to obtain
the advice of my attorney by telephone.

If I am under arrest, I want to consult with my attorney. I wish
to invoke and exercise my Miranda rights. If you attempt to
question me, I wish to remain silent and I want my lawyer present.
If you ignore my exercise of these rights and attempt to procure a
waiver, I want to confer with my lawyer prior to any conversations
with you. I refuse to participate in any line-up or to perform any
physical acts, or to speak or display my person or property at
your direction, without first conferring with my lawyer.

If I am taken into custody, removed from my present location, or
separated from my property, I request a reasonable opportunity to
make arrangements to secure my own property. I do not consent to
any search, impoundment, or inventory of my property. I do, hereby
waive any claim of liability for loss, theft, or damage against
you or your superiors, or any other authority, and agree to hold
all harmless therefrom, if I am afforded the reasonable
opportunity to arrange for the safekeeping of my own property.

I desire to exercise all my rights guaranteed by the Constitution
of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Illinois
to be free from your interference with my personal affairs.

If I am not under arrest, I want to leave. If I am free to leave,
please tell me immediately so that I may go about my business.

The card references Illinois Statute 725 ILCS 5/103-4. To check out
your state statutes, you can visit Cornell Law School
<> but be prepared to search a

No, this is not a free ticket to do bad stuff. We're just letting you
know what your rights are because frankly the entire thing has always
confused me. Again, check your own state statutes!

Make sure you read Part 2 from the perspective of a cop
It will make you think twice about simply following the advice of all
lawyers. In the end, you have to make your own choices. Also, make
sure you read Dumb Little Man's Terms and Conditions.

As an aside to all of this, next Friday (Sept. 22) I am going on a
midnight-shift ride along with a cop-buddy of mine. I have like 90
questions that I want to ask him because we haven't talked for a
while. I am planning on posting some of the Q&A so if you have any
good, serious, honest questions for a cop, let me know in the comments
or through email (look right). Please, no hooker, police brutality or
"how to get away with stuff" questions.

Additional information is available via an ACLU (American Civil
Liberties Union) video clip
created in cooperation with the Flex your Rights Foundation
<>. This demonstration, currently on
Google Video, provides a 45-minute video demonstration of a police
stop and provides some common tips that may help you if you choose to
ignore everything we've listed already.


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