Tuesday, September 19, 2006



*New Office Slang*
404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not
Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t
bother asking John. He’s 404.”

Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and
file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or

Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an
office or work group. “I dunno, ask Rick. He’s our alpha geek.”

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting
armor that covers the Batmobile as in “she started talking marriage and
he started batmobiling”

Beepilepsy - The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their
beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical
spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

Betamaxed - When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but
better marketed competition as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out
of the market”

Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a
project failed and who was responsible.

Blowing Your Buffer - Losing one’s train of thought. Occurs when the
person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has
just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. “Damn,
I just blew my buffer!” (Synonym: “Head Crash”)

Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look
down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively.

Bookmark - To take note of a person for future reference. “After seeing
his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him.”

Brain Fart - A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information
effortlessly; a burst of useful information. “I know you’re busy on the
Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?”
Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.

CGI Joe - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills
and charisma of a plastic action figure.

Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the
employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Chip Jewelry - Old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into
decoration. “I paid three grand for that Mac and now it’s nothing but
chip jewelry.”

Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. “First we gotta
figure out if the problem’s in your chips or your salsa.”

CLM (Career Limiting Move)- Used by microserfs to describe an
ill-advised activity. “Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a serious CLM.”

Cobweb - A WWW site that never changes.

Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. “I just
wasted 30 minutes downloading that crapplet!”

CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm,
then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE

Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.

Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both
paper and electronic forms.

Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss, as is Dilbert,
the comic strip character. “Damn, I’ve been dilberted again! The old man
revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”

Dorito Syndrome - The feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered
by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. “I just spent six
hours surfing the Web, and now I’ve got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome.”

Egosurfing - Scanning the Net, databases, etc., for one’s own name.

Elvis Year - The peak year of popularity as in “1993 was Barney the
dinosaur’s Elvis year”

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning
to leave a company or department soon.

Generica - Fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in “we were
so lost in generica that I couldn’t remember what city it was”

Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open; a popular
pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. “Didn’t he notice
that by the second session half the room was glazing?”

Going Postal - Totally stressed out and losing it like postal employees
who went on shooting rampages

GOOD job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in
order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they
are solvent again.

Gray Matter - Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrepreneurial firms trying to appear more professional and established.

Graybar Land - The place you go while you’re staring at a computer
that’s processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar
creep across the screen). “That CAD rendering put me in graybar land for
like an hour.”

High Dome - Egghead, scientist, PhD

Idea Hamsters - People whose idea generators are always running.

Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but
you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a
prime example.

It’s a Feature - From the old adage, “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.”
Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant problem you wish to gloss over.

Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on some
people’s computer keyboards.

Link Rot - The process by which web page’s links become obsolete as the
sites they’re connected to change or die.

Meatspace - The physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also “carbon
community” “facetime” “F2F” “RL”

Mouse Potato - The online generation’s answer to the couch potato.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time during which you realize
you’ve just made a terrible error.

Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

Perot - To quit unexpectedly. “My cellular phone just perot’ed.”

Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn’t require training. “That new guy
is totally plug-and-play.”

Prairie Dogging - When something loud happens in a cube farm, causing
heads to pop up over the walls trying to see what’s going on.

Ribs ‘N’ Dick - A budget with no fat as in “we’ve got ribs ‘n’ dick and
we’re supposed to find 20K for memory upgrades”

Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed in the end. “God, today was a total salmon day!”

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits
over everything and then leaves.

Siliwood - The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and
computers; also “Hollywired”

SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them
stops working to stay home with the kids. “Single Income, Two Children,
Oppressive Mortgage”

Square-Headed Spouse - Computer

Squirt the Bird - To transmit a signal up to a satellite. “Crew and
talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?”

Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce
with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy - A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.

Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been used so much its
magnetic strip is worn away.

Tourists - Those who take training classes just to take a vacation from
their jobs. “There were only three serious students in the class; the
rest were just tourists.”

Treeware - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

Umfriend - One with whom one has a sexual relationship; as in, “this is
Dale, my...um...friend.”

Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an online service’s
rule of conduct. “Sorry I couldn’t get back to you. AOL put me under
mouse arrest.”

Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Also: decruitment.

Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all the
appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot
for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key,
the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.

WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks.

World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW.

Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

Yuppie Food Coupons - Twenty dollar bills from an ATM.


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