Dilbert Quotes Contest

A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR
PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE DILBERT-TYPE MANAGERS.



HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:
1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond,
WA)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might
encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business."     (Accounting Manager, Electric Boat
Company)
 

 4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it."    (Advertising/Marketing manager, United
Parcel Service)
 
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant manager, Delco Corporation)

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!  We've been
working on it for months.  Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let
you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I
told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss
work on the busiest day of the year.  He then asked if we could change her
burial to Friday.  He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going
to discuss it with the employees."     (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long
Lines Division)
 

 10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a
project I was working on.   I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.
He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to
ask for it!"
(Hallmark Cards Executive)